Thursday, December 4, 2008
Feeling so disturbed and confused right now. So much of mixed emotions are causing a turmoil in my already disturbed heart. Was wif Raj just now when Sinna msged me if everything was ok and that it pained him when he saw me with someone else. I guess i saw that part coming sooner or later; where he wld msg me to ask me who is the guy or wad since i have displayed our pics in my friendster. What i didnt expect was the part where he said that it pains him. I was deeply disturbed upon seeing that msg.
I dont know who's fault is it. Is it my fault for falling in love with Raj or was it Sinna's fault for not being there when he claimed that he likes me and stuff. Where was he when i needed him? Where was he on my bd? He always goes missing and appears when he feels like it. And i was suppose to accomodate to that.
I remember those times when i used to sit and wait around for his msg,his calls or to meet up wif him. But he spends 3/4 of his free time in Krisland finding gals in friendster to make fren wif. Even though it pained at that time when i found out that he still talks to other gals and meets up wif them when i was arnd, i jus closed one eye cos i didnt have much of a choice. Or maybe becos even though we liked each other at that time, we were not together or anything. So i didnt have any rights over him or wad he does.
As time passed, i realised that he was never there when i needed him the most. He was just like a passing cloud in my life. I was getting so tired amotionally and i decided that im just wasting my time and life over him. I started moving on away from him. That was when i met Raj.
I dun understand why Sinna has to come back now. Where was he when i was there? He was never there i guess. He was only there when he felt like it. When i was with him, i always felt that i didnt matter to him as much as he mattered to me. I guess he was a very big mistake right from the beginning.
After Sinna, i didnt expect to find love or to find someone who would love me. But right now, I have a guy in my life who loves me so much and shows me with so much of love, care and attention..a guy who does his best for me..and this time i hope that nothing goes wrong..because i dont know if i will have the strength to handle another heartbreak.
*iloveukanagaraj*
12:28 AM
